I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
