the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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