yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
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So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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