My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My vagina just clenched in fear
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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