I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
