Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
