It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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