TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
