just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize