Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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