you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
