What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
