six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
