my vag is so smooth its legendary
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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