homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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