my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
