I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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