the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
