just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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