i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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