apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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