no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
handjob tips. give me some.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
