Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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