I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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