You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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