literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
