remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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