I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
