They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
