she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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