If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
