so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
