Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
