party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm passing your future prison.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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