I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
