i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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