I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
someone owes me an orgasm
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
