I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
