i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A bitchslap is in order.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
