there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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