rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
