I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
