we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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