is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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