this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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