Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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