we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
