he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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