So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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