yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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