who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
