aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
