she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
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she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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