I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
