Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
