Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
