I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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