I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
This house was built for laser tag.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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