Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
