nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
