He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
