You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
