Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
