Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Mom said you looked used
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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